With all of your talk about bacon, I have no clue how you can skip over one very important food group:

GelatinousMeat, aka SPiced hAM.

This product provides the most convenient way to enjoy a five star meal following the Zombie apocalypse, or after training for the invasion after using such Apps like Zombie Run and Where’s my Ducky. In the event the Zombies fail to show up, you will at least have a stockpile of perfectly good meat for months to come.

Besides, what other pre-cooked meat product comes in flavors such as:
– Classic
– Low Sodium
– Bacon
– Smoked
– Hot and Spicy
– Jalapeños
– Lite
– Cheese
– Turkey

This is the perfect food, having been featured in such music videos like:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/2966075/weird_al_yankovics_spam_music_video/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anwy2MPT5RE
And many more you can enjoy by visiting the SPAM Mecca in Austin, MN. Hmmmm, MN really sounds closely like mmmmmm, the same sound one emits after enjoying SPAM. Can you just imagine mowing down on Twinkies and SPAM sandwich, or SPAM with DQ soft were.